Brokeback Mountain

I know - it's been a few days since I've posted anything. As I said earlier, I'm lazy. In reality, I just have been super busy.

After several weeks of anticipation, I went to see Brokeback Mountain this weekend with a good friend of mine. The movie, in case you aren't up on these things, is a movie based on a short story by Annie Proulx about two cowboys who spend several months working on a mountain together herding sheep. They become very close and this bond turns into a romantic relationship. The movie spans about 20 years of their lives, where they both marry women, have kids, but frequently return to Brokeback Mountain to be together. It is clear in this movie that the two men are in love with each other, though neither will admit to being gay and the word isn't even mentioned in the entire movie. It isn't a "gay" movie. It's a love story. A sad love story where two people, because of circumstances, have to find secret ways to be together rather than just leave their "normal" lives behind. For me, the movie moved me simply because I am dealing with a breakup. I sympathize with the idea of wanting something you cannot have. Yet at the same time I am so very jealous of the relationship the two characters have in this movie. They have a mutual love that is felt by both. And although the development of their relationship ultimately ends poorly, they knew and felt love. They loved and were loved in return. I thought I had that once.

Other than that, the weekend was fairly tame. I did some shopping for the holidays. The mall was not nearly as stressful as I expected and for the most part I'm done. I have a few things to get before leaving town for the holidays.

I'll be happy when the holidays are over. I'm tired of sitting around wondering where he is, what he's doing for the holidays and why we're not together. And why I can't stop caring. As Ennis Del Mar would say, "if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it."