Adventures on Fire Island

As mentioned a few weeks back, I was invited by someone I met on vacation in April to come up to Fire Island and spend the 4th of July with him and his housemates. I had been quite nervous about going, picturing Fire Island as some big circuit party filled with speedo-clad muscle men cracked out of their minds and ignoring a boring queen like myself. I was also a bit nervous about perpetuating any potential involvement with this gentleman that I had met in April. I knew I was not interested in dating him or sleeping with him (again), but was not entirely sure he felt that way and didn't want my acceptance of his invitation to be any indication that he'd be getting into these pants.

So I took the train up on Saturday morning, which oddly enough was my first time taking Amtrak anywhere. Typically if I'm going up to NYC, I would drive or fly, the train just seemed overpriced and took only slightly less time than driving. However, getting to Fire Island isn't exactly easy. If you don't decide to drive there, your option is basically to take the Long Island Rail from Penn Station in Manhattan and then transfer at some point on Long Island. Then you continue on the train to Sayville, where you have to catch a shuttle to the ferry and then take a ferry to Fire Island. I just figured since Amtrak would get me right to Penn Station, that would be the easiest way to go. And it really was far easier than I expected. Of course I overpacked because I'm gay and had bought about $300 in new clothes for this weekend. Jumping from train to train to train to shuttle to ferry was a bit of a pain with a large suitcase, but what can you do? A bitch needs her outfits.

While waiting for the ferry to arrive and whisk me off to the gay island of fire, I scanned the men in line to see what I was going to be faced with for the next four days. Once determining that these queens with their Range Rovers and Jack Russell Terriers weren't all that intimidating, I boarded the ferry and hit the island. The house I was staying in is located in the Pines so we dock there and I meet up with my friend and head out to the house. The house was great, large with a pool and two treehouses outdoors. I met the other roommates, an odd foursome these queens make. The guys were very gracious and hospitable and made me feel quite at home.

We spent the first two days laying on the beach where I am happy to say I got a decent tan. The men were hot, but not overwhelming in any way. I didn't end up feeling quite as self conscious as I expected in that environment. I will say it helped that public nudity is encouraged on the beach there, much to my surprise and fortunately, or unfortunately I suppose, most of those who chose to disrobe were FUG. Fat naked men and lesbians with saggy breasts and hairy asses. No! Awful. However the beach was great overall. The water was unfortunately too cold to swim and it was quite windy, but kept it from getting too hot. Every night we would shower and dress and head down to "Low Tea" which was at a bar at the dock where the ferry comes in and would drink until about 7:30pm and then head to "High Tea" which was two bars down and located on the second floor above one of the nightclubs. Then at around 9pm, we headed back home to cook and have dinner, typically with new friends in tow. Then back out again, usually to the Sip 'n Twirl, a nice dance club. I actually ran into quite a few DC gays as well as some "D-List" celebrities such as Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

On Monday night, two friends of one of the housemates, a couple arrived on the island. After dinner, we headed out to Sip'n'Twirl and one of the boys in this couple proceeded to get quite flirtatious with me and a bit handsy, grabbing my ass several times. I didn't really react or egg him on simply because I had just met him and his boyfriend and had no idea what the status of their relationship was, such as whether they "played" together with other boys. Well after a short bout of this assgrabbing, the other guy leans over to me and says that he and his boyfriend will be in the treehouse back at the house in 15 minutes. Oh my! Not sure what to think, I just winked and turned back to the other guys. After about 10 minutes, I announced that I was tired and was going back to the house. Drunk, stumbling, I made my way back and found the couple fixing cocktails. Of course I asked for one and we then headed out to the treehouse. I won't go into sordid details but needless to say, I found myself naked and in coitus with these two new friends. After a short interlude, the one who had originally been so flirtatious decided that he was too drunk and thought we should stop. Ehhhhhheeeemmmm. I don't think so. The boyfriend, clearly as annoyed by this coitus interruptus as I, decided his boyfriend should just be ignored. Not sure where this was headed, but figuring it was nowhere good (like I shouldn't have figured that out already), I decide to let these two work this out, threw on my clothes and headed inside to make another cocktail.

Minutes later they are screaming at each other. Not sure what to do exactly, I drink my cocktail, smoke a cigarette and watch this spectacle from down by the pool. And just to make this even more uncomfortable, all of the housemates return right in the midst of this drama. Seeing the two arguing, they of course ask me what is going on. Clearly I was not going to admit that I had returned home to get spit roasted by these two boys and now everything had collapsed into drama, I just said I had no idea what was going on. As the two continue to argue, one keeps bringing up "him" saying things like, "you were the one who wanted him to come back with us" and "I was having fun with him and you had to start" and such. Then everyone is asking who "him" is. Again, I deny all. The argument escalates and their friend takes them outside where I suppose my name was mentioned. For the rest of the weekend, the housemate would look at me and smile and tell me how I'm such a homewrecker. He was kidding of course, the couple was fine the next morning once they sobered up, but I was thoroughly embarrassed. Can't a girl have too much to drink, get manhandled at a bar, invited back to a treehouse and find herself in a menage a trois without all the drama? I guess not. Then I think about how likely it would have been had the drama not started that the housemates would have returned and there would have been coitus interruptus anyway once they spy three white asses rolling around in the treehouse. And frankly, that would have been far more embarrassing.

The following day was the 4th of July and we made our way down to the bars for the Invasion. The Invasion is a tradition where a boat full of drag queens from Cherry Grove (the other part of Fire Island where the gays live) invade the Pines. It's actually a fun event and thousands turn out (many in drag themselves) to watch the arrival of the queens. And when I say queens, picture 200+ drag queens rolling off a ferry, being announced by a large drag queen in a purple gown and wig. It was hilarious. There were two Britney Spears, both of whom were chewing gum and throwing around a baby doll, one of which landed in the ocean. There were three Oscar winning beauties dressed like Hilary Swank, Julia Roberts and Nicole Kidman. All in all, it was a lot of fun.

Overall the four days on Fire Island were a ton of fun. The rain held off until we were leaving on the ferry. I got a tan. The bars were full of good, though expensive cocktails, as well as gorgeous bartenders wearing very little. Sidenote: If anyone knows this particular bartender, let him know I love him and want to have his children.

In typical Carrie fashion, I got drunk. And I got laid. And also in typical Carrie fashion, I nearly destroyed a happy couple in my quest to get laid. Needless to say I left my mark on the Island of Fire. And I cannot wait to return...assuming I'm allowed off the ferry next time.

I hope everyone else had as eventful a 4th as I did!