Sunday, Sunday

I've decided that Sundays are the worst days of the week. Most Sundays, I get up late because I went out the night before so immediately half of the day is gone. Once the Advil kicks in and I can actually function, I spend the rest of the day in a bit of a funk because I know that the next day I have to go to work. Another weekend is over...I'm still single, I'm a week older than I was the last Sunday and the only thing ahead of me is another 50 hour work week.

Today was a particularly crappy Sunday to be honest. Last night I went to a party with friends and then went to the bars and what not and I had a friend of mine admit something to me. Evidently when the ex and I broke up, two of my friends ran into the ex at a bar (one of the only times anyone has seen the ex since the split) and the ex told them something about something that happened in our relationship, and was using this as part of the "problem" that we were having and why he ended things. First of all, what was told was totally blown out of proportion and the story was so ridiculously one sided and delivered to put me in a very negative light. I was devastated when I heard this. I could not believe that the ex would have said something like that to one of my friends. And I was kind of hurt that my friends never told me about this. Although they totally blew it off and paid no attention to what the ex said, I still thought they should have told me. Maybe they were trying to protect me. There were SO many things that were not going well in our relationship and so many issues and to have him sum it all up in one sentence, blowing something out or proportion with the intent being to paint me as an asshole, it just killed me.

Overall, I think that the breakup was "amicable," if any breakup can really be called that. I was absolutely crushed, heartbroken and really felt like I had been fooled into believing this person cared about me. But overall, it was never UGLY when we broke up. I tried to not be a raging bitch even though I felt like he was doing the wrong thing by leaving. I tried to be nice about everything even though my heart completely sunk as he packed his things and walked out of our apartment for the last time. And he seemed so cold and unemotional, but at least was flexible with everything that had to happen. So to hear that he would have said something so obviously intended to hurt me, it did just that. I've been thinking about it all day and it's just another thing that makes me think I didn't really know him at all.

I just wish I didn't care. I wish he didn't matter to me. All this has done is make me feel like even more of a fool for still missing him and still hating everything that happened. But I think now I know that no matter how much I miss him, no matter how much I still feel so down about him not being in my life and how much I know I still truly love him, I don't think I could ever have him back in my life. Of course that should work out just fine since he obviously is content not being in my life.

I also watched Million Dollar Baby today. I had never seen it and never had a real desire to. Something about Hilary Skank rubs me the wrong way. In any case, the movie was actually really good, but totally a sobfest. I had no idea it was going to get so ugly. It was sad. I cried. Oh and Grey's Anatomy had me balling tonight too. Seriously, Sundays are totally downers.