Emotions
For some reason this evening, I've been particularly emotional. First off, if you haven't watched West Wing or Grey's Anatomy, you shouldn't read this because I'm going to talk about it. Second of all I have pretty much been crying since I got home. West Wing made me cry because it is honestly one of my favorite shows ever and I was devastated to watch the final episode. I hate knowing that now the only President we have to think about is the one we actually have and not the pretend one that is so much better. However, I should have known that there was no way it would make me cry like my new favorite show and probably the best show currently on tv - Grey's Anatomy.
I watched last night's first part of the season finale and got through it fine. No major breakdowns other than when the parents of that girl who was shot faced the reality of the situation. Those scenarios will tear me up very quickly. Then in tonight's part two, Meredith had to put the dog to sleep. Um, that was totally unfair of them to make me watch that. I thought I was going to fall of the couch crying. Having grown up with dogs, I can say I have been lucky that we were never faced with the need to put any of them to sleep. They all pretty much just died unexpectedly. I can't imagine having to do that. Well now I don't have to because Meredith had to put Doc to sleep and I lost it. So unfair. I mean, why'd they have to kill the damned dog? Wasn't Denny enough? Oh yeah, that's right, Izzy's sweetheart survives a heart transplant only to die at the end of the episode. When Izzy was in that hospital bed, hugging him and the mean doctor had to go pull her off, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I know it's a show and I totally grew a vagina tonight steady crying on the couch, but I couldn't help it.
I realized after a few minutes that I wasn't crying about the show anymore. I knew I was crying because I missed the ex boyfriend. I know a few weeks ago I posted about how I was over it, felt I had moved on. I guess I thought I had. I thought I hated him because of what he had done. I realize though that isn't the truth. I don't hate him. I love him. And maybe that's okay too. I realize how much I missed him today. I just sat here, thinking, I'm alone. I want him here with me. I haven't seen him in a long time but I wonder every day where he is and what he is doing. I hate my life without him in it. I hate that I'm now alone and starting over. But I don't hate him. I hate that he didn't love me enough to try to make it work. I hate that he betrayed me and didn't have the guts to confess to it when he had the chance. I could forgive him all of that though if he wanted to come back. But what hurts the most is that he doesn't. And never will. I still have pictures of us in my room, in frames, on my nightstand. I don't know what to do to make it better. To make it easier. To make me want to take those pictures down. Don't they make pills for this?
Okay now on to Desperate Housewives - hopefully that won't make me cry. Oh and does anyone else think that George's girlfriend on GA totally looks like a beast? She's huge. And not cute.
I watched last night's first part of the season finale and got through it fine. No major breakdowns other than when the parents of that girl who was shot faced the reality of the situation. Those scenarios will tear me up very quickly. Then in tonight's part two, Meredith had to put the dog to sleep. Um, that was totally unfair of them to make me watch that. I thought I was going to fall of the couch crying. Having grown up with dogs, I can say I have been lucky that we were never faced with the need to put any of them to sleep. They all pretty much just died unexpectedly. I can't imagine having to do that. Well now I don't have to because Meredith had to put Doc to sleep and I lost it. So unfair. I mean, why'd they have to kill the damned dog? Wasn't Denny enough? Oh yeah, that's right, Izzy's sweetheart survives a heart transplant only to die at the end of the episode. When Izzy was in that hospital bed, hugging him and the mean doctor had to go pull her off, I was sobbing uncontrollably. I know it's a show and I totally grew a vagina tonight steady crying on the couch, but I couldn't help it.
I realized after a few minutes that I wasn't crying about the show anymore. I knew I was crying because I missed the ex boyfriend. I know a few weeks ago I posted about how I was over it, felt I had moved on. I guess I thought I had. I thought I hated him because of what he had done. I realize though that isn't the truth. I don't hate him. I love him. And maybe that's okay too. I realize how much I missed him today. I just sat here, thinking, I'm alone. I want him here with me. I haven't seen him in a long time but I wonder every day where he is and what he is doing. I hate my life without him in it. I hate that I'm now alone and starting over. But I don't hate him. I hate that he didn't love me enough to try to make it work. I hate that he betrayed me and didn't have the guts to confess to it when he had the chance. I could forgive him all of that though if he wanted to come back. But what hurts the most is that he doesn't. And never will. I still have pictures of us in my room, in frames, on my nightstand. I don't know what to do to make it better. To make it easier. To make me want to take those pictures down. Don't they make pills for this?
Okay now on to Desperate Housewives - hopefully that won't make me cry. Oh and does anyone else think that George's girlfriend on GA totally looks like a beast? She's huge. And not cute.
posted by Carrie Broadshoulders at Tuesday, May 16, 2006
2 Comments:
those moments will hit you when you least expect it. even after a whole year, i still get reminded of he-who-shall-no-longer-be-named. and you have a little cry and then it's done.
It just shouldn't have to be that way.
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