Trivial Pursuits

It is amusing how when one bad thing happens, it seems to be followed by several more bad things, as if you really do live under a dark cloud or something. My kickball team lost our game this week, though it was a well fought effort on our part. We also failed to dominate at flip cup after the game in the bar. Losing kickball is one thing...we're used to that. But losing at flip cup is a rarity for my team. I think it was because two of our key players (flip cup, not kickball) were absent and so we had to carry our own with one or two not so hot flip cuppers. The scene is basically a giant fraternity party with rows of tables and droves of kickballers in their multicolored WAKA shirts yelling, cheering and chugging. I'm usually soaked in beer by the end of the night, sweaty and stumbling home drunk dialing people I have no business dialing.

Then last night Elliott was booted from American Idol. Elliott is a hometown boy and I've hoped he would win since the beginning. I did however have a feeling that he would go home this week. I'm not particularly thrilled about either of the finalists, but if forced to choose, I'd probably choose Katharine. I think she's far more marketable and would appeal a broader audience than Taylor. Plus Taylor's little ticks get old very quickly. I think Katharine would probably have a decent studio album and well she's an attractive girl. Slut her up a little and she'd sell albums. So I probably will not vote at all, but if I were it would be for McPhee. In any case, I nearly cried watching Elliott talk about his mom. She should definitely be proud and hopefully he will go far after this. Lord knows I'd want to get the hell out of Richmond faster than you could shake a stick.

I also like to go to trivia at a local bar on Wednesday nights and normally our team does really well. We were rocking it out last night until our last round where we missed three vital questions which knocked us out of contention for the prize of a free liquor. Needless to say I was devastated. Who did I step on this week that has karma kicking my ass? There is a guy who is usually at the bar as well who last week I thought was giving me strong signals that he might be interested. All of my friends thought so as well...they noticed it before I did. Well then last night he is being very weird. He barely spoke and it was clear, at least to me, that he was not at all interested. Weird right? Gay guys are so peculiar. Maybe he just wasn't interested to begin with. But I didn't even notice it anyway, but once my friends pointed it out, it did seem weird. And his friend kept saying to my friends that they needed to hook us up.

In any case, the dating scenarios I'm faced with now versus three years ago are starting to get under my skin a bit. I feel like I'm not nearly as "marketable" as I was 3 years before I met the ex boyfriend. I have not been on one date since we split up. 3 years ago, I was younger (obv), thinner, certainly had more hair and a better outlook than I do now. I am not old by any means, but gay guys have a really screwed up interpretation of young and old. Plus I am at a point where I know what I want and now it seems far less attainable than when I was younger. Did I miss my window of opportunity? Will I meet anyone who I could spend more than a night with? I'm incredibly shy and self conscious when I go out. I have a really hard time chatting up someone I think is cute. I'm awkward. I think maybe that's a turnoff too so my own reactions to insecurities are what give me a reason to be insecure in the first place. I've tried the online thing and beyond a quick lay, there's little quality there. What am I doing wrong? Sometimes I think I need to learn to be independent, be happy with who I am and if that's all I have, well then I'll have to like myself enough to deal. Sometimes that works. Other times I miss thinking that someone finds me remotely attractive.