Panic! On the Metro
So I'm standing on the Metro today, jamming to Panic! At the Disco on my iPod and as is typical for me, reading the Express over someone's shoulder. I never think to grab it on my way into the metro station so rely on the kindness of others, or at least their lack of awareness that I'm standing behind them reading over their shoulder. So the gentleman who is unknowingly sharing his Express with me happens to be on the page called the Blog Log or whatever, where certain blogs are noted and quoted. There, in a rather large font, are very familiar words. At first I read them and am like, that's funny, I just wrote about this yesterday. Then I realize they are my words. Somehow the Express editors read my blog yesterday and decided me getting dumped via text messaging was worthy of the Express. I'm not sure how I feel about that for several reasons. I'm glad they thought people could relate, because really, isn't that the point of having a blog - to try to relate to folks? I was a bit mortified though at the thought that someone I know personally would read the Express (very likely) on their way to work and see that and recognize the story from one I had told to them and realize that this blog is my blog. I was also just generally embarrassed that now half the commuters relying on the Metro in DC now realize that I was dumped and in such a pathetic way. I actually watched several Metro riders reading that particular page, wondering to myself if they think this person must be a total loser.
Needless to say it was a long metro ride to work with my head spinning through the last 9 months of this blog thinking about all the other personal topics and stories I have posted and thinking, God, everyone is going to know what I've been thinking the last 9 months! Did I say anything bad about any of my friends? What if Doc sees this? He'll definitely recognize this as our situation! Panic isn't just playing on my iPod, it's racing through my body.
So I've spent the better part of an hour at work reading back through the last 9 months to see if there is anything I have written that I would not want people I know in my personal life to see? There are plenty of postings that, when written, I would never have wanted anyone to read. But time changes a lot and a lot of those postings do not mean what they did to me when I wrote them. I also realized how much I have changed in the last 9 months, particularly when it comes to the ex boyfriend. Since our relationship prompted me to start this blog to get my feelings out, it is odd to see now how insignificant he is in my life and how I feel today about the relationship he and I shared. I've written about the panic you feel when dealing with an ex. I don't feel that panic anymore.
In any case, I do not think there were too many embarrassing stories. There were definitely some things even my best of friends have never heard me discuss. You know what, I don't care anymore. If people I know read this blog and know its me, so be it. I enjoy having an outlet and have enjoyed the comments this blog has solicited from the folks who read it. It has helped me get through a difficult time and I have met some very cool people because of it.
That all said, I hope to God no one I know picked up the Express this morning!