Five Years Later

Today, September 11, 2006, starts like most days and much like September 11, 2001 started. A work day, though my commute is slightly different than five years ago, I return to the very same office I worked in five years ago for the first September 11th since 2001, having left that office shortly after 9/11 to work in Virginia. It seems odd to be back in the same place and working with so many of the same people who I shared that horrible day with.

I, like everyone, still remember exactly where I was when hearing about the first attack. My office sits in pretty much the same place as it did then. I remember walking through the lobby and watching on the television when the second plane hit the south tower, thinking I was watching footage of the first plane hitting and then realizing that both towers were now in flames. Not long after, the report came across that the Pentagon was hit. The third plane had flown over Washington Boulevard right where I had passed not two hours before. It was no longer just something tragic happening in another city. It really was a bit terrifying. Immediately people at work scampered to figure out what to do. Several coworkers had family members who worked in the Pentagon and were in understandable hysterics. My mother immediately started calling my phone pleading for me to get out of DC. Knowing there was no real reason to leave DC nor really being able to since the city was gridlocked, I remember standing in the gym at work with all of my coworkers as we silently watched the news, everyone in shock that this was really happening. I can almost pinpoint the exact spot I was standing when I watched the towers collapse. I was standing beside a coworker who would find out days later that her cousin was in that building as it fell. So many of us have the same experience, knowing where we were that day, what we were doing, remembering how the adrenaline rushed through our body and our emotions were out of control. Knowing people who lost loved ones or hearing the terrible stories from that day. None of us were immune from the effects of 9/11, even those who did not live in New York City or Washington, DC.

I remember driving home to Virginia that night and as I crossed the 14th Street bridge seeing the Pentagon still in flames, the smell of smoke still strong in the air. From that day on to even today, the emotions felt, while possibly diminishing with time, are still very strong for me, as I'm sure for everyone else. This weekend was filled with specials on TV about that day. The most disturbing aired on CBS last night which I had seen before. Two French documentary filmmakers were filming that day with a fire crew in NYC and most of their footage was shot from inside the WTC during the events. You hear bodies hit the ground as people jump from the burning towers. You see firemen that died that day rush into the building and you see injured run out of the building. I saw another special that showed children who lost parents five years later. So many of them spoke about how they find it hard to even remember how their father or mother's voice sounded, the way they smelled, the difficulty in even remembering their faces after five years of absence. So many of them were so young on September 11th. For them, seeing the footage of 9/11 on TV over and over isn't just emotional. They are forced to witness over and over their parent's death. I cannot imagine watching and knowing that you were seeing the last moments of your father or mother's life and how you must just want to be able to go back to that day and change things. I always tell myself I won't watch those specials again. That it is been five years and we cannot change what happened so what is the point in focusing on it so much. But then you think about how many people's lives were impacted and how lucky you are that you were not. You feel obligated to be reminded of the tragedy. So I watched and just like that day and the weeks following and every year on the anniversary, it stirs emotions that are inexplicable and yet shared by all of us. There never seem to be enough tears.

So it has been five years. It is hard to believe five years have passed because it still makes me sick to think about it. I still cannot comprehend how horrific that day was. I doubt in five more years I will feel any differently about it. I guess all you can do is take a moment today to think about that day and remember everything and everyone we have lost since 9/11. What else can you do?