Your daily Jake

From a recent TRL appearance to promote Zodiac (thanks to Just Jared for posting these):

Carrie Reads...the Oscars!

I have not done a "Carrie Reads" segment in a while so I figured why not make the Oscars my first for the year? We have a lot to discuss, so let's jump right in shall we?

Let's just get this out of the way:

Nicole Kidman's face is really starting to concern me. It's just not right. She looks nothing like she did 20 years ago. I can't decide if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do know that it isn't right. I would like to implore all of the women who will attend future Academy Awards shows to please STOP wearing BOWS on their gowns to the Oscars. NO! NO! NO! No more bows! Charlize tried to pull this the other year and it didn't work for her and it doesn't work for you Nicole. I don't care if it's on your shoulder and not around your waist...no more bows! Abigail Breslin didn't even wear a bow and she's 10 years old.


There are several things wrong here. The first being Cameron Diaz. I cannot tolerate this no talent hag. Her face is fug, her spray on tan is terrible and she needs to go back to being a blonde. And I'm sorry but you don't wear white in February, even if you are in Los Angeles. And you don't wear a gown in 2007 that looks like something you wore to prom in 1987. At least not to the Oscars. I will say that I was hoping she, Scarlet Johannsen and/or Jessica Biel would get into some hateful cat fight on the red carpet.


Okay, I am not a fan of Kirsten Dunst in particular and last night she did nothing to improve her standing with me. The bangs are horrid and she would have looked better dressed like Marie Antoinette than in this thing. The lipsmackers has to go as well. In my opinion, the best thing she ever did was Drop Dead Gorgeous. She should have quite while she was ahead. Of course I don't like her because she dated my boyfriend for a while. But he's moved on so I'm trying not to hold that against her.


Love Emily Blunt but beginning to think that she was smoking a blunt when she put on this gown. Can we say budget call girl? Considering that she, Anne Hathaway and Meryl Streep were all in the Devil Wears Prada, you'd think they could have picked better outfits for the Oscars. Tragic really.


Oh and speaking of Meryl, I'm sorry, but when Diana Keaton wears something nicer than what you have on to the Oscars, you know you need to rethink what you are wearing. Mmmkay?



Eddie Murphy's girlfriend has mirrors on her dress. I have no words.

Not a fan of the dress or the snotty tramp wearing it. Oh, and cut the hair Gwyn.

Okay and to show that I'm not a complete hater, here are people who I think managed to dress themselves in things that don't look like potato sacks:


I always think Cate Blanchett looks fabulous. This is not my favorite dress she's ever worn but it looks good on her.


I can't believe I'm even going to say this, but I think Penelope looked nice. Ugh, that hurt. I cannot tolerate anyone who has lived and worked in the United States so long and can barely string enough words together to do a commercial for L'Oreal. That said, she's giving it and her makeup is perfect. Now if she could just learn to speak English...

Helen Mirren is flawless. Nothing else to say.


Kate Winslet is one of my favorite actresses of all time. I think she's gorgeous and she did not disappoint last night.

And my pick for the most put together and fabulous looking at the Oscars goes to:


She's skinny, the hair is gorgeous, the makeup perfect and that dress is incredible on her. Ryan Philippe, eat your heart out.

And just for pure eye candy purposes:

Okay, he's a little overtanned and I'm starting to think the Academy hates him. He was in two excellent roles this year, was only nominated for one of them and lost.


Ryan Gosling was my pick for Best Actor and while he didn't win, he's certainly nice to look at.

While it's hard for me to understand how someone from a group called Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch is at the Oscars...and is nominated...I have to say that he is still a fine piece of man.

Speaking of fine pieces of man:


Mmmm.

Okay, so he's crazy. And he thinks aliens are going to take over the earth or something. And he's short. And he's crazy. I am sorry, but I still think Tom Cruise is a fine piece of ass. I have loved him since he was running around in a loin cloth in Legend. And I think that baby of his is adorable. Gay, straight, crazy or not...he still looks good.

And finally:

Okay! Okay! So I know he wasn't there and this isn't a picture from last night's show but he should have been there. Maggie was there. Where was Jake? He may not have won last year for Brokeback (even though he clearly deserved it), but he'll always be a winner in my heart. *sigh*

Brit, honey, get some help!

Okay so at first when I heard about Britney shaving her head while I was canoodling in Los Angeles, I laughed, said she has lost her mind and then tried to figure out how I could run into her while in LA. But now I'm really honestly thinking this girl needs help. As filled with curiosity as I am and as most people are as to what is going on, I wish the paparazzi would just leave her alone! Let the girl get her shit together! She's younger than I am and I cannot imagine dealing with everything. She's been ridiculed and criticized for marrying K-Fed since day #1 and has been constantly harrassed and followed by people while trying to raise two kids as a fairly young mother AND now going through a divorce at the same time. I think I'd honestly lose my shit too.

I have to say I'm pretty happy to see K-Fed step up and force her ass into rehab if she intends to keep her kids. He doesn't seem to really be exploiting this, when clearly he could. Maybe he was given far less credit than he deserves. Time will tell I suppose. I have to believe he wants Britney to get it together. I don't think he sees her and those kids as bank accounts.

In any case, I'm rooting for Britney. Frankly I think her career is over but I do hope she gets off whatever she's on and gets her head straight. She's got two kids to raise. Hopefully people will back off enough to let her breath, though I doubt it.

RIP Anna Nicole Smith

Anna Nicole is dead y'all. It's a sad day for everyone! Now Carrie is officially the dirtiest drunken slut on earth.

Rest in Peace girl, you deserve some quiet time!

ALSO: Howard K. Stern, if you think we aren't all looking at you suspiciously right now, think again!

My New Obsession

I think it's clear why he is my new obsession - he looks vaguely like Jake Gyllenhaal, but on ice skates.

Ryan Bradley, 23, took Silver medal in the United States Figure Skating Championships this year edging out Johnny Weir who fell to third place, losing his title to Evan Lysacek. I really could care less but what I do care about is Ryan Bradley. He's gorgeous.


I am coming out of the closet as a figure skating buff. I have been to Champions on Ice at least five times, have met Sasha Cohen, Michelle Kwan and a plethora of other figure skating stars. I watch it whenever it is on tv. I care more about it than the Superbowl. Yes, I'm gayer than Andy Dick and I don't care!

So Ryan is my newest love and he fits in my top five squarely behind Jake Gyllenhaal, Eric Bana and Milo Ventimiglia and slightly ahead of Goran Ivanisevic. Welcome him to club will you?